Just a heads up to anyone who drives, or ever will drive, in the Raleigh-Durham area. My 15 year old sister had her first day of the driving part of driver's ed. today. I am told that she was reprimanded for going 70 m.p.h. on US 1. Barring unforeseen acts of God or whatnot, she will be getting her learner's permit next week. She will most likely be driving a 1995 blue Dodge Caravan like a bat out of hell. It is probable that there will be a very traumatized-looking woman in the driver's seat. You have been warned.
CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
27.9.03
An open letter to the fucking asshole who almost killed my cousin Will:
Dear Asshole,
A few nights ago you almost ended the lives of three young people, one of whom I happen to be related to and love a great deal. They are all in the hospital and expected to recover. Unfortunately, so are you. But if you ever, EVER get behind the wheel of a car after you've been in the same ROOM as alcohol again, I will PERSONALLY see to it that every meal you eat for the rest of your life has to be mashed up and fed to you by someone whose spinal column hasn't been severed.
Funny story Amanda. The "letter" I tried to mail the other day was actually your birthday card. I have yet to see it return to my mailbox after not putting postage on it. Sit tight and maybe I'll get the card (or a nice replacement) to you by the time the revolution comes. Didn't I have problems mailing your card last year too? I seem to think I put a 34 cent stamp on it instead of a 37 cent one. I'm not so lucky with the mailing of birthday cards I guess.
I bought some blue books last week cause I needed one for an exam today. I saw them on my bookshelf last night but didn't even think about them. Then this morning I am in my first class and I realize I didn't bring any of them. It was before class started so I basically ran from Caldwell to the Atrium to buy another one. I made it back and did sit through my first class. Then I went and took my exam. I didn't even get to use my own blue book cause the prof collected all the books then passed them out randomly. I guess that was supposed to prevent cheating. I just thought it was stupid.
Also...
I put a letter in the mailbox today and just realized I didn't put a stamp on it! Hopefully the nice post office person who comes to the apt mailbox will notice this and stick the envelope back into my mailbox! It's so lame cause I had the stamps sitting on my desk too. Guess I was too preoccupied with decorating the envelope with stickers and I forgot about the stamp.
Alright kids, it's that time of year: Fall Movie Season. Most of the serious Oscar contenders are coming out between Sept. and Dec. and Peter Jackson better get a Best Cinematography statue or else. Here are my picks:
The Human Stain (Sept. 26): Tony Hopkins and Nicole Kidman getting it on? Whoa. Scary and strangely sexy.
My Life Without Me (Sept. 26): The trailer is awesome for this movie. Plus it has post-Felicity Scott Speedman (no Underworld stabs, please). Mark Ruffalo is also my hero.
Intolerable Cruelty (Oct. 10): A Coen Brothers movie with two disgustingly beautiful people-- George and Catherine. Plus cameos by Billy Bob and Geoffrey Rush. Hopefully the movie isn't too much of a sell-out.
Runaway Jury (Oct. 17): Just because I'm a closet Grisham fan, and RJ is tied with Pelican Brief as my favorites. A really awesome cast, but I'm wary since they switched the defendents from Big Tobacco to the gun industry.
Sylvia (Oct. 17): Yes, I like Gwyneth Paltrow. I want to see what she's been up to, since all she does is go to Fashion Week. It also has Daniel Craig of Road to Perdition and Lara Croft: TR fame. The dude is cut.
The Matrix Revolutions (Nov. 5): Need I say more?
Love Actually (Nov. 14): Awesome, awesome, awesome cast made of Brits and American ex-pats, namely Hugh Grant as the PM, Colin Firth, Emma Thompson, Keira Knightly, Laura Linney and Liam Neeson. Best line evar: "Let's do it; let's get the shit kicked out of us by love." As said by a 8-year-old boy.
21 Grams (Nov. 14): Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's second flick, English- language debut with Naomi, Sean Penn and Benicio of the Bull. According to Watts, twenty-one grams is the amount a body loses when one dies, and that's allegedly the weight of one's soul. Who knew?
The Cat in the Hat (Nov. 21): I didn't particularly care for The Grinch, but I like Mike Myers, so I'll give him the benefit of doubt.
Big Fish (Nov. 28): Another great-cast movie-- Ewan, Albert Finney, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange, Helena Bonham Carter, Alison Lohman and Danny DeVito. Tim Burton is usually not my hero, but who doesn't love a movie about circus freaks.
The Last Samurai (Dec. 5): Bastard Japs.
Stuck on You (Dec. 12): I want to have Matt Damon's love child.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Dec.17): I want to have Orlando Bloom's love child. I still haven't read the book.
Mona Lisa Smile (Dec. 19): Julia Roberts and Kirsten Dunst suck. Julia Stiles is moderately sucky. Maggie Gyllenhaal will save this movie.
Cold Mountain (Dec. 25): If ever there was a movie with a ridiculous amount of perfect people, this is it. Nicole, Jude, Renee, and Natalie. Oh yeah, the book wasn't half bad.
The Company (Dec. 25): With Neve Campbell of Scream and Party of Five fame. It's a movie about ballet by Robert Altman of Gosford Park and Ready to Wear fame. Odd combo.
Cheaper by the Dozen (Dec. 25): It should serve as a PSA for birth control.
Paycheck (Dec. 25): If anyone can save Ben Affleck's credibility, it's John Woo. Look what Windtalkers did for Nic... wait a second.
The blog will change addresses permanently to ANVILBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM on October first. That's ANVILBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM. It seems a bit self-centered of me to keep it as my name. Not to mention slightly unwise. The redirect from the old address will be taken down so update your bookmarks to ANVILBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM before October 1.
12.9.03
Johnny Cash died today due to complications from diabetes. RIP, Man in Black. You rocked my world.
And now, a Johnny Cash tribute haiku:
O! diabetes
The most bitterest killer
You can't have sugar
On a happier note, Wednesday night I went with Patrick, Shellie, and Paul to see Guster in Raleigh. SO AWESOME. The opening band (I think they were called Sam Roberts and Secret Weapon) was really good too. In the tradition of last time I saw Guster live, here's a timeline of events.
5:50 - Meet Patrick outside Lenoir. Eat bland, overpriced cafeteria food and try and unfold Patrick's ticket, which he put throught the wash.
6:45 - Get picked up by Shellie, head to Dook.
7:15 - Arrive at Dook after minor lostness. Call Paul's cell phone, discover that the dumbass doesn't have it on. Call Paul's room. The dumbass isn't home. Search through the cavelike dorm for his room and wait outside.
7:30 - Paul shows up, is verbally assaulted. We leave.
8:05 - Arrive at Disco Rodeo, discover huge-ass line. Die a little inside.
8:15 - Get inside, discover that Paul has staked out an awesome spot about 5 feet from the stage on the left (Hot Adam's) side. Retract previous verbal abuse.
8:25 - The geography game.
9:00 - Sam Roberts takes the stage. Rocks out.
9:45 - Sam is done. Mike McKee and Dan Grinder show up out of nowhere. High fives exchanged.
10:20 - Guster takes the stage. They played a good-sized set - opened with What You Wish For, then I Spy, Careful, Backyard, Barrel of a Gun, Mona Lisa (yay!) Rocketship, Amsterdam (Some guy chucked something on stage at this point, Ryan tells the story of what happened when somebody did that at a John Mayer concert - John stomped a CD to tiny pieces - and we voted on whether John was a dick or kind of cool. The general consensus was "dick." The guy asks to play shaker on Amsterdam and the band lets him, so he's up there whaling away, and he gets to sing part of the last verse. Very cool.), then Come Downstairs and Say Hello, Two Points for Honesty, Airport Song, Keep It Together (sans banjo solo, kind of sad), Homecoming King, a cover I didn't recognize, Demons, and Fa Fa. Then they pulled their "we're going to walk to the right and then come back" thing. Their encore was an improv based on a sign that someone had that said "Soccer: It's the name of the game!", Either Way, Happier, and Jesus on the Radio. Awesome, awesome, awesome concert. I only wish they had played Parachute. But last time I wished they played Rocketship, so I guess it all evens out in the end. After the show I bought the lobster shirt and a sticker that says "Guster is OK!".
12:45ish - We meet Mike and Dan at IHOP.
1:45 - Depart from IHOP after a very emotional goodbye.
2:45 - Arrive at my room, stinky, tired, and unable to talk. So worth it.
So that's my Guster show experience. It made for a rather long post but whatever.
11.9.03
I know we've all had near-fatal encounters with campus bikers, but I can beat them all. I was walking down the sidewalk today, minding my own damn business, when I almost had a head-on collision with an asshole on a unicycle. Hand to God. That is messed up.
10.9.03
I generally try to keep my posts funny on here (whether I succeed is up to you, the reader) but today's is serious. Sorry.
Last night my dad told me that my grandma (his mom) has a tumor the size of a fist in her brain. The doctors couldn't even operate on a healthy person, much less my 84 year old grandma. They say she has anywhere from one to three months left. We used to joke about how long my grandma would live. We said that at the end of the world, it would just be her and my cat (who's 15) that were still alive. Well the world isn't ending and she's not going to be in it for much longer. So if praying is your thing, could you please keep her and my dad in them?
9.9.03
Update! Hot Wolfline Guy lives in my apartment complex. I was "taking" the trash out yesterday (driving it to the compactor) and I noticed a car just like his. I drove past there again today and on second glance, it is infact his car. I'm not stalking him. It's fate that I was responsible and took the trash out and happened to see that he lives here. It doesn't really help that he lives on the complete opposite side of the complex and that my only chance of seeing him is when I drive the garbage out. But who knows. Anything could happen.
6.9.03
More bus adventures. I got to the K-Mart stop about 9:13 today. The bus is supposed to get there at 9:22. But a bus comes at 9:15. I'm not sure if this was the mystery 9:07 bus THAT I HAVE NEVER SEEN or if it was the other bus getting there early. Well anyway I got to campus early and hung out in the Caldwell lounge reading before class. They redid my route so I went to catch the bus home at the library. I had my own nice little spot and I swear like everyone around me lit up a cancer stick. Puh-lease. It's not like I was breathing there or anything. Then I get on the bus and decide to walk towards the back and sit next to this girl and try to fill in all the seats instead of just sitting in the front and having people walk past me. (When busses are crowded, I feel it's best just to sit next to someone instead of being lame and leaving the one seat inbetween. You know someone else is going to sit there anyway) Well I misjudged the girl as I sat down. Turns out she needed all of her seat and 1/3 of my sitting area. Thankfully a little skinny girl sat on the other side of me, but it was too much like a sardine can for my tastes. Plus, the larger girl next to me had to sit with her legs are spread out. Oh my. I think I'd rather stand on a bus ride than sit next to that girl again. Bless my heart cause I'm really going to rot for saying all of this. Bad news. Hot Wolfline guy was not on my bus today. I hope I see him on Monday.
2.9.03
Remember how this time last semester I was carrying around Larry? Well, my biology equipment for this semester may be less gross, but it certainly makes up for it by being ridiculously cumbersome. This spring I get to carry around a butterfly net that is easily 4 feet long, a field pack containing my Killjar (in which bugs die), my insect pins, my ethyl acetate (which makes bugs die), my insect collection box and my insect mounting stand, along with my plant press, which is a big (say, one foot by .75 foot by .5 foot) wood and cardboard doohickey for making plants flat. Although I do get to feel like a hardcore biologist walking around campus with a butterfly net slung over my shoulder like a rifle, so it all works out in the end.
In the spirit of bitching about the poor etiquette of certain assholes, I would like to add that if you have a big, gaping, disgusting wound, you should at least cover it up some so others don't have to look at it and lose their lunch. Oh wait, that's me. Seriously, you would not believe this wound on my ankle. So, I was shaving Wednesday morning, a little too fast, apparently, when, well, let's just say it looks like a skin graft. I pulled a piece of skin out of my razor an inch long and half an inch wide. It bled for twelve hours, hand to God. It still hurt like a bastard today and was getting kind of red and puffy, so I went to the infirmary where they gave me oral antibiotics. They give out antibiotics here for anything. So maybe I'll amend the etiquette suggestion: if you see someone with a big, gaping, disgusting wound TRY NOT TO FUCKING KICK IT I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO GO FUCKING MEDIEVAL ON THE NEXT PERSON THAT KICKS MY WOUND JESUS CHRIST IT HURTS SO DAMN BAD. Thank you.
touched by an anvil's guide to better living, vol. iii
Now that we've been advised on how to get to class-- by bus or bike, I'd like to provide some tips regarding protocol within lecture halls and between buildings.
1. It's easy to catch a communicable disease amongst college students, so it's understandable that you might attend class "under the weather." A classic symptom is the sniffles, which occurs with colds, flu, allergies, etc. If you present such symptoms during class, for Pete's sake, get a tissue and blow your goddamn nose. It's not like the 50 other people in class can't hear you trying to absorb back your snot. It's not going anywhere but back down, so expel it in a fastidious manner. Don't forget to dispose of your tissues in a properly marked garbage receptacle. And if you are so sick that you must blow your nose at a frequency higher than once every ten minutes, stay in bed. I'm fairly sure the air filters in Walker Hall haven't been changed since the Reagan administration.
2. There are few things in life more annoying than an errant, chipped fingernail. You first notice it during a boring Old Testament Lit lecture, and try as you might, you can't bother to concentrate because the nail has completely enveloped your thought processes. But oh! You have a nail file in your backpack; it's so temptingly within your reach. Ignore the temptation. Leave the nail file in the backpack. Do not start filing your broken nail in class when there are six people sitting within a foot of you. We did not sign up to inhale the remnants of your body part. And for Pete's sake, don't decide that your nine other nails are looking a bit rough and start a dry manicure. Ew.
3. Your classes are done. You want to get out of the building. There are people coming into the building, so you stand by the door for the rush of people to subside. For Pete's sake, WHY? Why do you insist on using the door on the left-hand side? There's a perfectly fine door right in front you, literally. We don't live in England. We don't drive on the left-hand side of the road. We know that right-handed people are superior. So why don't you try pushing the door on the right-hand side. I promise, more than likely, it'll function as a gateway to the outside world. Plus, you won't clog up the hallway, because the people behind you (re: me) have places to go. While you're at it, stick to the right-hand side of the stairwell, too.
4. So you've figured out that there are two doors at almost every entrance. We've made it out. But oh but by the grace of God, we're walking the in the same direction. Not only are you and your friend hogging the sidewalk, both of you light up cancer sticks because it's been at least 49 minutes since your last hit of carcinogens. Hello! There are non-smokers right behind you. Of course, we can't walk around you because, remember 1. you're taking up the entire sidewalk, 2. there is orange construction netting on either side of said sidewalk, and 3. you're walking so freakin' slow that I might spend Christmas in the middle of the constuction zone. Meanwhile, I can feel my alveoli exploding from the secondhand. I'll sue your ass off. There's a simple remedy to this problem: quit smoking and walk faster, jackass.
1.9.03
The comments server is down, it will probably be back up tomorrow. Do not fret.
Now on to other business. I'd just like to clear up exactly how much I suck at Gin Rummy. Some of you may have gotten a distorted account from Smith, but do not believe her lies. The movie we watched (You Only Live Twice) before we played cards wasn't even over by 9:30. We didn't start playing cards until around 10:30, and there were several other games played before the Gin Rummy started. Yes, it did take me forever to win one. Yes, I do suck at Gin Rummy. But not 7 hours worth of suck.
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